what is going on in my head? *scream*

Lately, my world has been spinning out of balance. I feel as if the world is literally upside down on it's sphere. Why, u ask? Well, to put it simply. My life is out of balance. Last year, i was just getting over a really bad relationship. Now this year, I am planning my future plans with a certain someone.
I don't know what happened exactly, but it's happening. Some people may say that it's a bit too soon. Some people just think it's the right timing. But, what do i think?
Truth be told, i am not even sure what's going to happen. It's not that i'm not ready. It's more to the fact that am i able to do it or not. I look at myself everyday and i think. One minute i feel like i can do just about anything, then the next minute comes along and i feel like, 'oh shit! if i can't get this done how can i be someone's wife?'
i guess i just have to figure out what's best. After all, it's my own future. I have to think it through myself.

It's a fresh new start

i know i haven't been online for a while... and there is a good reason for that.. i have been having some tough times during this past few weeks months.

and now that i can stand on my own two tiny size 5 feet.. i'm gonna have to go thru some few things to get started.. coz this is definitely my 'FRESH NEW START'

Oopps!! i'm sorry i banged your car -.-

I am so frustrated!! in all my 7 years of driving, i have never ever had an accident involving other cars... seriously!! NEVER!! but up until last Sunday, my luck changed... i banged a car... -.- it was not the light kind of bang like a kiss on the cheeks. It was a head on hard collision...

What the hell was running through my head that time, we will never know since i also don't quite understand it myself. All i remember is the loud *crash* i heard and all that i remember before that was just a bright light and there goes my beautiful record/reputation out the window... *sigh*

Anyways, some of you must be thinking what happened to the car i made the impact on?? well, here comes the funny part, the driver is actually my boyfriend... -.- so i bet you're really laughing your head off rite now... i mean out of all the people i would actually crash into, it had to be my own boyfriends car... *big sigh* I guess your probably thinking i did it on purpose.. but i swear, i didn't... we didn't have a fight or anything like that at all... i just happened to press the gas at the wrong time... -.-

So now, the big deal is what am i gonna do about it?? well, i guess it's time to do some major damage to my pocket for the car's body kit instead.. XD

LoanSharks decorated my Car??? =O

OK, i know what you're all thinking. Especially those of you who probably has heard or even saw it before~~ *sigh*

I have not borrowed money from the loansharks n i will NEVER do so!! but, according to my very own reporter back at home, apparently my car has indeed been spray painted and decorated with $$ signs~~ yellow in colour to be exact~~ (from the news, it's always red but apparently my car was red enough and they decided yellow would suit it better **double sign**)

Anyways, moving on..... I still am very confused as to why my car got involved in this incident, i mean hello people, do a check before you go n spray paint someone's car!! the car is mine and not whoever the person is your targeting's car!! I know i already bought a different car but when things like this happen i just feel the urge to run back home and just take the car to live with me in the city. (OK, i am very attached to this car even though it's age is very old for a car XD)

Now, i am still panicking about what might happen to my car next, my mom has already done the police report, but seeing how 'good' n 'effective' the police here are, i'm just not gonna put any high hopes anytime soon.. =(

i just hope they find the culprit or i myself will just go back there n find who's work it was... 

when it comes to real feelings

Ever since last week i have been in the gutter. My heart, my soul, my life just seems out of place. Everything felt wrong, felt out of place. A few months ago, i would have said "my life is great! i'm where i'm supposed to be." But now, looking back to when i said those words, i feel very uneasy. It's as if all those things i said was just to make me feel better and it's true. That time i was so sad and heart broken that even a lucky penny would probably make me happy. The truth is, i was in denial. I knew it then and i still am, in denial.

I never admitted it before because i was too proud and my pride was bigger than my real feelings. Now, looking back how i feel so ashamed of myself for jumping into something when i know i wasn't supposed to. Now, all i have is regret. I regret the moment i jumped into the next ship without even thinking whether it was a good ship or a pirate ship. I admit, the ship is luxurious, but it's not me that's in luxury. It's the people on-board. I have been having a great time but up until last week, i had a feeling. The same feeling i had before when i was on the 1st ship. The 'What Ifs' came back to question.

What If, this ship decides to go under?

What If, this ship decides to leave me on a port somewhere?

What if, this ship ends up selling me as a slave?

When the questions popped up, I knew i have the answers. I knew somewhere along the line, i won't be able to stay with this ship for long because deep inside my heart, i had to admit. The ship i'm on is definitely a different type of ship i'm from. I mean, a cruise ship and an oil ship can't be the same rite? even if you try to change it, it takes time... a cruise ship can never have enough time to change to an oil ship.

So even though it's hard to admit. I have to admit it, because when it comes to real feelings, everyone tries to keep it in. and so have i. so now is the time to let it out, before it's too late. 

The Cat's Bill of Rights

I am the cat, and I have certain inalienable rights:

I have the right to walk over your face anytime I wish, day or night.
I have the right to observe and comment on any and all bathroom behavior. Further, I have the right to be highly offended by any closed door.
I have the right to smell your shoes to detemine if you have been fraternizing or cavorting or frolicking with any highly questionable animals.
I have the right to assist in any food preparation, cooking, cleaning or eating event that may occur in the home.
I have the right to wake you at three in the morning if I find my food dish is not to my satisfaction.
I have the right to tip over any water container I deem unsuitable for consumption.
I have hte right to curse at squirrels and birds that may dare to pass my windows.
I have the right to inspect any grocery items that come into the home. Further, I have the right to inhabit any paper bag or cardboard box that you bring home for as long as I wish.
I have the right to nap at any time and place I darn well please, without the distraction of being called or moved just because you want to sit down, wash your hands or use your computer keyboard.
I have the right to sleep on top of any appliance that is warm.
I have the right to assist in any changing of bed linens and to chase the phantom creatures beneath the sheets.
I have the right to look aloof when scolded for mistaking your toes as one of those pesky phantom creatures that hide beneath the sheets.
I have the right to kill paper-towel rolls that otherwise might sneak up on you at night.
I have the right to your complete attention anytime you sit down to read or work.
And finally, I have the right to be loved, petted, pampered and entertained, for, as you know, the best things in life....purr!
And, should you err in your ways, I will graciously forgive. After all, you are only human, but I love you anyway.

Signed,
The Cat

Racism and the racist~~

I have been browsing thru some blogs from my fellow Malaysians and when i came across this one blog, i felt hurt as i read about this blogger bad-mouthing people from this one state in Malaysia. for those who have read it and agreed with him, that's your business. However, i feel somewhat 'lost respect' towards these type of people. Yes, you can say that what you wrote is being honest to your feelings but as other people read it, doesn't it give shame to us Malaysians? And for those who not only agreed but also would like to add on a few more different states people that you don't like well, that's just over doing it rite?

When it comes to being a multi-racial, multi-lingual and multi-religion country, Malaysians should be proud. Where else can you go and find this type of thing? I mean think about it... do you think when you go to Japan, you can change radio stations and expect them to suddenly talk Chinese or even Tamil maybe? i think not, unless it's a special radio station or somewhat like it. but then again, if you wrote about racism towards different ethnicities then maybe i would've understood why you felt the way you wrote, but instead, you somewhat wrote about people who are the same ethnic as you but the only difference is the state both of you are from.

OK, so maybe they like to treat outsiders differently and maybe when they see people from their own state they will leave you behind just to be with them. So what? Does it change your life in any way? I don't think so rite? So why would you be pissed off about that? When you think about it carefully, when they do something like that, it just shows how loyal they are to their states people and how they seem to go well with each other in a group. How many other states can do like that? What i see when i see a group of people in KL who are from the same state is a bond between them that somehow makes me feel as if no matter where they go, they can always find each other.

It's also the same as if we were studying in a different country. I bet that when you go to a different country, you would also stick together in a group of people from the same country your in and that's a fact. You may think i'm talking bull here but i have been through the hell of racism. i have been picked on, teased and even bullied by people just because i had a dark skin tone. Heck, i didn't care! OK so maybe i cried at times, but it didn't make me white, or changed my hair blonde. It just made me easier to pick on. So i just made friends with people from the same country with me. As time passes by, we all ended up being friends in the end anyways and it didn't matter whether your blonde, or black or tanned. All that was needed was patience, endurance and honesty.

So for those Malaysians still cooped up in your nest, please, stop awhile and think of the after-effects of your so-called-honesty. Maybe you might not see what the fuss is about, but hurting not only the person your hatred is for thats a different story. There are other people there who probably didn't even know anything got hurt as well. We are after all Malaysians, without each other we wouldn't be what we are rite?

a dream, a past and my tears

i had a dream, i saw what i have long forgotten. In my dream, i tried to run away from the hurtful past, but it caught up with me. and when i woke up, i felt the tears streaming down the way it did before. only this time it's not because i was hurt but this time it's because i felt sad and broken-hearted. 

i know i should forget the past, but sometimes it haunts me in my dreams and it always comes in my happiest times. i sometimes wonder, why does my past always comes in my dreams when at times i have forgiven it? does he miss me? or is it because somewhere deep inside me, there is still a part of him?

whatever it is, i know that it was a part me once. i no longer have the feeling of blaming him for what he has done and i hope that he has a good life ahead. i also hope that maybe one day, he'll understand that i did what i had to do so i don't hurt myself any longer. and i  am happy how things are now with my life, my love and my work.

123RF Stock Photos

Bringin My Baby Aureolin out for the 1st time~~~

Today i'm at the office typin this blog usin my newest family member Aureolin~~ 

Yupp2~~

My baby girl is my new Sony Vaio~~ huhuhu~~ it's so pure n white n i love it so much~~ OK so it does cost a fortune.. but i <3 it so much i just dun care~~!! :p

somehow when using this laptop, i still feel like i miss my old laptop~~ the one i used to have a few years back.. it makes me feel kinda angry thinking about how i lost it... 

If i lost i somewhere coz of my carelessness i would be blaming myself but instead, someone just had to break in my house and steal just my lousy laptop!! 

it really made me so angry!!

arghh!!!

i just hope dis time round, no one tries to mess with me!! coz i'm gonna keep it near~~

Monday 28-02-2011

Today, i feel kinda bored~~ but i guess its better than not feeling well rite?? huhuhu~~
well, so far its been kinda boring~~ ::sigh::


this is just an update as to keep my blog "alive"~~


:P